Am I clear to my dog?

An old man is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old man simply replied, “The one you feed.”

This bit of wisdom is attributed to the Cherokees, but, in fact, it’s not known where it came from.

And what possible relevance does this have to me, and my dog, you ask?

It’s all a question of focus.

What you focus on is what you get.

What you reward will, inevitably and without any doubt, be repeated.

It’s a basic tenet of Learning Theory, in which our modern dog training is grounded.

I sum it up in my mantra, which I give to all my students and hope they learn by heart so they can recite it to themselves at any moment:

Reward what you like

Ignore what you don’t like

Manage what you can’t ignore

[Manage? That simply means arranging things so that the thing you don’t like is very unlikely to happen - like keeping sharp things out of a baby’s reach, keeping the street door firmly shut, and so on.]

Now this is the most simple way to train your dog - or anyone else, for that matter!

Don’t rise to the things you don’t like. As you will know and admit, that only makes things worse.

This can apply to things that are as basic as .. the dog peeing in the wrong place. Pointing to the offending patch on the carpet is not going to help your dog understand where he’s meant to relieve himself!

And heaping on praise, for anything that you do like, is going to speed up your puppy’s understanding of the house rules in this strange new human world he’s found himself in.

But is this what we do?

Sadly, no.

Most people harp on the bad thing and almost forget to teach the new, desired, thing!

Complaining to your dog about what he does “wrong” is only going to focus his attention on it.

As Dan Millman says, in his book Socrates,

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy

Not on fighting the old

But on building the new”

It really is simple when you look at it like that.

And remember - this doesn’t only apply to dogs! Oh, nonono! Look at yourself and your dealings with everyone in the same light.

Your child brings his plate back to the kitchen? Thank him profusely, rather than complaining about having to pick up plates from all over the house when he doesn’t do it.

Your chaotic co-worker turns up on time for once? Buy him a coffee, rather than grouse next time he arrives late.

Speaking of coffee - as I often do …

.. if you want to reward me for all the info I give you freely, here’s your chance!

And if your dog pauses while pulling on the lead and looks back at you, TREAT! And remember to brush up on your loose lead training as soon as you get home again.

Focus on the good

Thing is, focussing on the good makes your child/colleague/dog feel better and more inclined to repeat the good thing.

And, importantly, it makes you feel better too!

We aren’t here for long. Let’s make our stay a pleasant one.

Want to know more about how to interact with your dog to get the results you want? Watch our free Workshop which might just change everything about how you see life with your pup!

Counterconditioning doggy fears!

Counterconditioning: IT’S NOT A RACE!

As you may know from personal experience, Counterconditioning and Desensitisation can have marvellous results.

And as you also may know - it takes time!

Don’t be like the reader who told me “I tried that once and it didn’t work”. You need to incorporate it into your daily life with your dog.

You may have read this blogpost of mine from last April:

https://www.brilliantfamilydog.com/blog/do-you-ask-your-dogs-permission-for-handling-him

which explains what to do. In this case I was faced with a fearful dog who did not like his feet being touched at all.

We’ve slowly moved on, just a small bit at a time, and now I am allowed to clip AND grind both Yannick’s front feet!

For the first time he allowed himself to be upended on my lap, when previously it was like trying to wrestle a clawed dragon. He’s since shown that he’d prefer to stay on the ground, so that’s where we do ‘em.

So … we got there in the end!

Smash and Grab!

I was shocked to see a dog trainer’s website recently . . . well, she calls herself a “dog behaviourist, Reactivity and Aggression Specialist” but shows NO qualifications whatever.

Coco steps forward to take his meds

And she said, as one of her benefits, "No need for bulk buying sessions rarely more than two needed"

I dread to think how she transforms a reactive, fearful, and aggressive dog in TWO SESSIONS.

I think we can guess. 😳 💥

And I, for one, am happy to take as long as it takes to bring my dog with me and change his experience of the world for the better.

Want to get started with this?

You can certainly start with The Bucket Game, as shown in the video in this post on treating your dog with respect.

Or you can go much deeper in From Growly Dog to Confident Dog.

Take a look at our free Masterclass for Growly Dogs to get you started!

Does your dog hate water?

Some dogs you can’t keep out of water - and some, you can’t get ‘em in!

Cream Coco tries to shake off the black mud!

Both of these present possible problems - your gung-ho dog may dive into a black dyke and come out coated with mud, or more seriously, jump into water covered with deadly blue-green algae.

And your anti-water dog may throw a hissy fit whenever you want to dry his feet or cross a shallow stream.

I can relate to this, because my collie Rollo loved water and I had to keep an eye out for unsuitable wetness he would like to dive into. And then my pup Yannick arrived during a drought, so he didn’t see a puddle for a month, then was horrified when he met one!

[Now I know some people choose to bath their poor tiny puppies as soon as they get them “to get off the breeder’s smell”. I’ve no idea why. And I’m sure this would trigger a fear of water in the pup. I wouldn’t bath a new dog unless he was so disgustingly filthy that there was no other choice.]

So I set about getting my puppy used to water in the gentlest way possible.

Water games!

I get my young pups used to water by putting them in the empty bath (use a bath mat to prevent slipping on those stiff fearful legs) and I scatter kibble and toys about.

Have a game with him and get him out.

Then, another day, add a little water up one end, scatter toys and kibble. He may have to fish some out of the water.

Gradually - keeping this a great game - add a little more water each time (few times a week maybe). 

Yannick was very suspicious of the water to start with and wouldn’t touch any wet kibble. But very quickly he was up to his ankles in the water fishing for food, and now enjoys swimming. 

If you have access to the seaside or lakeside beaches, playing on the beach can be a great “cure” for water fears. They start to follow other dogs or their special people and learn not to fear the water. My dogs have even met some seals this way.

Having said this, I’m happy that none of my present dogs want to do more than paddle in the shallows. I certainly wouldn’t be able to help them if they got in trouble. Many a person has drowned trying to rescue a dog who trots to the shore all by themselves.

If messing about in boats is one of your things, then it’s essential that your puppy learns how to swim and not panic. Though the life-jacket he’ll be wearing will doubtless help. If his fear is extreme, you may find a friendly dog hydrotherapy place where he can splash in warm water in the shallow end before trying anything deeper.

Washing muddy feet

This can easily become a battleground. So I’d rather avoid it. All for a quiet life, me! Why lead with your chin? Just find another way.

Do you really have to wash your dog’s feet? I walk mine through some wet grass after a muddy walk - does the trick nicely. And - great tip for you here - if you play with him in a puddle or stream at the start of the walk, this will partially mudproof him. 

For drying those clean wet paws, start by leaving the towel by the door, and "dry" his feet with a towel EVERY time he comes in, whether wet or not. Just touch the towel to one paw to start with, and reward. Gradually build up, till you can properly rub down all his leggy feathering and get into his paw pads.

Is your dog or your little puppy throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Workshop and find how to change things fast!

How to avoid reactive dog meltdowns 💥

Working - as I am - with a fearful youngster right now, I can tell you things do improve!

The brilliant thing about Yannick is that he loves people, but he’s going through that adolescent stage of being darkly suspicious of dogs.

Fortunately he likes bitches. 💕 💖

But after a couple of explosions demonstrated that he had developed an issue with strange dogs  - it only started after about a year - I have, of course, been working on it!

And he’s way, way better in a short time.

Adolescence is tough for dogs as well as for human teenagers!

So - what am I doing?

• Look at That

• Counter-conditioning

• Enthusiastic exclamations when we see someone/something: “Ooh look, it’s a nice person/dog! Look!”

• Chatting with the other owner

If he’s comfortable he’ll sit and sweep the road with his tail.

If he’s tense and pulling we look for shelter - a driveway, into a field, cross the road … As a reactive dog-owner, you’ll have these charted on your mental map as part of your walks!

But something that’s helped him enormously is to greet the person and actually meet the dog.

So I wait till the walker is in hailing distance, then ask them “is your dog friendly?”

Usually it’s a yes - I’d have known if not and we’d have been outa there already! Most dogs are friendly enough, though perhaps a bit anxious. If the dog is clearly better kept at a distance, that’s what we do, and turn away.

So a gentle approach and nose greeting is allowed. Count to three and draw your dog away happily. If both are happy, they can have another slightly longer greeting.

These tend to go really well, but it’s a good idea to keep both dogs moving if possible. I’ve discovered that Yannick is very gentle and encouraging with very shy dogs. He knows how they feel!

Now, assuming it’s not a “get outa Dodge” situation, I will engage the “victim” in conversation.

Just standing at a comfortable distance for the dogs and chatting has a marvellously soothing effect. That distance may be 3 - 5 - 8 yards - whatever works.

Slowly the dog can realise this dog/person combo is no threat - after all, you’re smiling and chatty with them! And they with you.

“Familiarity breeds contempt” they do say.

And in this case, familiarity breeds nonchalance and acceptance.

The dogs will soon be sniffing the ground and bored and ready to move on.

If Yannick is very wound up about the approaching dog, and can’t relate to me at all, I do simple counterconditioning: I’m just posting the treats into his mouth, encouraging his head round as much as possible (without lead pressure).

It still works!

Though we may only do that briefly then move away to safety.

But once you’re over this hump, I’d recommend giving the chat thing a try.

Do you use this already? Let me know in the comments.

And for more detail on how to do this counter-conditioning and Look at That, watch our free Masterclass for Growly Dogs great way to get you started managing your dog’s emotional state.

A new puppy PLUS a reactive dog: can it work?

I had this query from a reader recently, whose heart is clearly in the right place:

“I have a reactive/aggressive 8 year old I did not have from a puppy. As she has gotten older she has calmed down a bit however, we do not trust her around other dogs and do not even try to socialise her. She will cry, whine and sometimes growl which can be embarrassing.

I have longed for a dog that I can take everywhere with me and can get along with all dogs and people. I am considering getting another dog that is a little bit older than a young pup.

We do plan on introducing them slowly with the new dog being outside and our older dog inside watching through the window, then keeping them behind closed doors in the house etc.

One of my main worries is jealousy and the new dog picking up bad habits from the older dog. I also worry around the unfairness of walking them separately or is this something they will both quickly adjust to?

How do I make sure the new dog does not being aggressive also?”

Lots of questions here! And a few misconceptions too. Here was my reply to this caring owner:

“Well done on helping your dog get calmer - but don’t be embarrassed when your dog shows she’s uncomfortable! She’s giving you information. If others don’t understand, that’s not your problem - they will be impressed by your care.

New dog - I think you’d be better off with an 8wo pup. You’ll bring out the maternal instincts in your resident dog and she won’t see this baby as competition. Follow this article on introducing a puppy to a reactive dog to ensure a safe introduction and development.

Also, the young puppy will sleep so much that you’ll have plenty of time to give to your adult dog!

Walking separately is not unfair - most dogs prefer this undiluted time with their special person. I have four dogs and they all get their special times of solo walking with me.

There are a number of resources - from free to premium - on www.brilliantfamilydog.com/blog/how-best-can-you-help-your-dog-learn to help you. Do take advantage of them!”

As to how to introduce the older dog to the new puppy - and this goes for ANY older dog and puppy, not just a reactive dog - there is valuable information in that introduction article.

You can’t get a puppy and just chuck it into a multi-dog household and let it sink or swim. The outcomes are most unlikely to be what you’d like! There are plenty of parallels with children whose parents abdicate responsibility and the children rear themselves alongside their equally unguided peers. This can lead them down many unwanted paths . . .

So start as you mean to continue! Lots of 1-1 attention for each dog individually, and the puppy is reared more or less separately. After all, a puppy has a completely different physical timetable, with different requirements for training and exercising, so it makes sense.

Having a multi-dog household with the different characteristics of every dog within it is enchanting. They are so different!

And they need to be allowed to be. And not regarded as a pack.

Here’s a good place to start with your new pup:

Want a step-by-step guide to everything you need to know about your new puppy? Get New Puppy! here and start on the right paw!

Those early months are SOOOO important!

Let me know how you get on.

Are you able to look after a dog?

So exciting, getting a puppy!

But also - especially if this is your first venture into having a companion dog - fraught with hazards!

In my efforts to make the transition from “new dog” to “family dog” as smooth as possible, I have provided you with many, many resources.

There are over 300 articles here, and most important of these are the three-part series on Choosing a Puppy. Start here.

There’s New Puppy!  - a handbook to get you through the first few months.

And there are various free and premium courses

Total mindset change

But the most important thing in preparing for your new puppy or new dog, is the total mindset change you’re going to need to make!

As any new first-time parent will tell you, the whole thing is mind-bending and requires a huge change in your lifestyle.

You have no idea of the effect this new baby will have on your life - till it happens!

This applies to four-footed family members too . . .

Resentment of the invasion?

It’s not uncommon for me to receive complaints from people who’ve just got a new puppy, and can’t understand why they can’t carry on their life exactly as before.

Maybe they think they’re getting a stuffed dog, or a bicycle, or something. Not a living, sentient, being - who has hopes and fears, feelings and sensations, needs and desires.

So seeing the puppy blamed for its distress and the new owner’s lack of sleep is upsetting for me.

Would they blame a baby for crying and disrupting their sleep? Of course not! They’d try to find out what’s wrong and put it right.

Some of these entitled people even re-home their unfortunate pups after only a few days. They seem to think their comfort is far more important than caring for this little creature they have chosen to bring into their home.

Perhaps it shows that they bought their puppy or dog on a whim, with no thought about whether they were suited to have a dog living with them for the next 12-15 years.

You should be prepared for total disruption to your life!

It also tells me that the person who sold them the puppy or dog was simply trying to shovel off excess animals with no care of where they went. This is all too common, I’m sorry to say, with those “greeders” who are just in it for a fast buck.

It’s no good taking five days off work and thinking that will do the trick for your new puppy.

And if you work full-time away from home, how are you going to manage a creature who cannot be left for more than four hours? If you’re relying on a family member to mind your dog while you’re out - for free - I can assure you that such arrangements frequently break down when the person involved realises what a huge commitment this is and that they’re being used.

Is it about you, or about the dog?

If you think your sleep is more important than your puppy’s wellbeing, think again.

And if you think that scamping on food - buying the cheapest and feeding as little as possible - is the way to go: oh oh oh. I hardly know where to begin.

I have had people tell me they feed two meals a day - to an 8 week old puppy! Even giant breed puppies! Then they wonder why the poor starving creature is crying all night.

If you fit this category, I question the breeder of the dog.

A good breeder is concerned about the wellbeing of her pups, so anyone who gets a puppy while being out of the house ten hours a day has clearly gone to a puppy farm.

I had to complete a detailed questionnaire and write an essay before I could be considered for my latest puppy!

This is NORMAL.

A good breeder devotes months of her life to rearing her precious pups. She’s not going to let them go to any-old-body who has no understanding of how to manage them.

Would local authorities hand over a child for adoption without in-depth investigation? One would hope not!

Start the right way!

So start the right way. Read this article and kick off by making some choices about who you want to share your life with. Then do some serious research into where you can source your chosen dog.

The right breeder will be keen to help you learn what you need, to have a great start with your pup.

And a reputable shelter will not want to make a mistake with one of their charges, and find it bounces back for further re-homing.

Starting an adventure with a new dog is a thrilling experience! And just like how the excitement and anticipation of planning a holiday is often as good as the holiday itself, so a preparation period while you learn and research is so important to the success of this new relationship.

Please avail of the many resources available to you, dismiss fanciful notions and deal with facts.

Here’s that Puppy Book for you: