Dog and crawling baby ALERT!

I had this interesting enquiry recently. The family are doing just about everything right, and taking great care of their dog and their baby.

“.. She mostly likes to be in the same room as us .. She is extremely gentle and friendly with children out and about too, actively going to meet them, although she has growled quietly at children in a few instances when she has felt anxious, e g. Crawling baby went too close when she was boxed in a bit, 5 year old cousin tried unexpectedly to touch her head, friend's toddler went too close when she was eating a chew (she's not food aggressive generally). We have learnt quickly from these instances and have worked hard to ensure that she is given space from the baby and that the baby is never allowed to approach her, the dog must always come to her, and then the interaction is closely managed.

However, she's just become very anxious as the baby has started crawling and being more mobile, watching her fixedly from her armchair, and sometimes leaping off the chair to go to her.”

I was glad to see their perspicacity in understanding why their dog sometimes reacts to children, and that they are taking care to avoid these events. I told them I was impressed with what they were doing, and with their awareness.

Many people have this same concern, so I thought I’d give you the benefit of the answer I gave this enquirer.

1. Dogs need to sleep 17 hours a day.

This comes as a shock to many people! But knowing this is a lifesaver, and gets rid of a lot of problems straight away - those problems caused by the dog being frazzled, overstimulated, overtired. Just like your toddler will be shortly if not sufficiently rested!

I would ensure that all those sleeps are done in your dog’s crate in a separate room, completely out of bounds for the soon-to-be-toddler. You need to acclimatise your dog to this new arrangement so she’s happy to toddle off to her bed whenever she needs peace and quiet.

Given that the baby is still sleeping a lot you should be able to juggle this so that they aren't always awake together. If the "threat" is ever-present this is going to make you tense and alarm your dog.

2. Playpens cum room dividers

- for child or for dog - are a great help. Another lifesaver, in fact. Once your baby gets up speed crawling (they’re very fast when proficient!), and wants to get into everything, you can’t be on guard the whole time. A playpen that opens up and zigzags across the room can allow your dog to be included without worrying about your baby getting too close while you blink.

3. Baby gates are your friend!

Use them all over the place. Accustom your dog to the joy of her own safe space beyond the gate, and accompany this with lots of treats. If treats are always administered behind the gate, this will soon become a favourite place. I know you don’t want to exclude your dog - of course not! But you do need to be able to relax and enjoy your baby as well as your dog. Being on guard duty all day long is exhausting, and pretty well impossible. Make life easier for yourself and your perplexed dog by ensuring separation periodically. As your baby gets older you’ll have all evening to enjoy your dog in her armchair!

4. Give your daughter a toy dog

that looks as much as possible like your dog. She can cuddle and fuss over this toy and leave the real dog in peace. I've seen this work really well. 

5. Never leave dog and child alone together,

not even for a moment, not even while you answer the phone. Always take one of them with you. Accidents can happen so fast, and especially when we’re distracted.

Want some videos that show you exactly how to teach your puppy? Here you go:

And for more help with your dog - get our free email course on common dog problems! Lots of help for you there.

THIS FREE ECOURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

New Dog Resolutions

Here at Brilliant Family Dog we don’t do New Year’s Resolutions.

Why not?

Because resolutions are woolly wishes.

They’re pie in the sky.

They’re “Wouldn’t it be nice if …” sort of things, and not worth wasting your time on.

It’s wishing. And hoping the Wish Fairy turns up and waves her wand. Not goin’ to happen!

You may remember in the past making resolutions at the New Year that didn’t make it past Epiphany. That’s no use!

So how do we plan our future?

What we do instead is conjure up Visions.

Visions for what we want our life to actually feature.

We think of what we’d LIKE to have, fix that in our mind, and go get it! It’s pretty simple really - and … it works!

Thinking “I’d like to lose weight” is not going to get any of us anywhere!

Visualising instead, you in a summer outfit in August, feeling comfortable and free to move, then keeping that image firmly in the front of your mind, means that you have a very high likelihood of attaining it!

What happens is that you become the person in your mental image. In this case it’s clearly a person who doesn’t slouch on the sofa stuffing doughnuts!

Rather you have an image of a healthy, active person, doing what they’d like and enjoying life. This is a person who considers what they eat, how they treat their body, and how they look.

And this will govern your choices between now and August.

And for dogs??

What, you may ask, has this to do with me and my dog?

Good question!

Instead of thinking, “I have to stop my dog doing xyz”, visualise instead that image of you and your dog enjoying time together, in perfect harmony.

Instead of thinking, “My dog is difficult, he barks at everyone”, get your imagination going! See yourself and your dog outdoors - at the beach, in the forest - peaceful and calm, ignoring other dogs entirely.

BECOME the person who is at one with their dog.

BECOME the dog-owner who understands their dog

BECOME the sort of person who can look ahead and avoid situations which could be too challenging at this stage.

By doing this, you will find yourself taking the necessary steps to become this person. You’ll be on the look-out for the help and guidance you need to get there.

And a great start would be by watching our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN! And joining hundreds of happy students achieving the life they always wanted with their dog.

“I started training with you 4 days ago, and Alfie is loving the recall!” AB

This from someone who DECIDED what she wanted with her dog, and became the person who went for it! And here’s another student enjoying working with her new puppy:

“I joined this group a week ago and already have learnt so much that I am putting into practice. We have always had dogs but now understand where I have been going wrong all these years. I can’t wait to start Week 2!”

See you there soon …

Do you want this kind of life with your dog?

Watch our free Workshop here

and get your first lessons in Choice Training - on me!

Why are you assaulting your dog (as he sees it)? 4 ways to get those paws clean and dry!

Your puppy has enjoyed a blissful summer of freedom, flying in and out of the back door to the garden whenever he wants. This is his life-experience so far.  

So how puzzling is it to him when, come the Autumn rains, you suddenly yell at him as he comes in, grab his feet and start vigorously towelling them?

Imagine that happening to you! You come in through the door at your friend’s house, they shout at you, grab one of your feet, hoick it up in the air, and pummel it with a towel!

You wouldn’t be very happy, and you may well say so. And that’s all your dog is doing when he growls as you attack his feet at the door.

Let’s see how we can improve this:

1. Get him used to it from the start

Whatever the time of year you start with your puppy, rehearse what you will be doing when the weather changes. So leave a towel near the door, and now and then when your pup comes in, you can lightly “dry” just one foot then let him on his way. He’ll get used to this strange Liturgy of the Feet so that when you really need to dry them, it won’t have come out of nowhere. This will form part of your ongoing program of puppy habituation and handling.

2. Have some manners!

That’s you, not the dog! In the same way you wouldn’t expect your friend to grab your feet and manhandle you at their door, your dog doesn’t need to accept this boorish behaviour either. Ask him if you can have a paw, then reward him for that before starting your drying process. If he’s on a lead you can simply stand on the trailing lead to prevent him wandering off while you ask him for each foot in turn.

3. Make life easier for yourself

Trim the hair on his paws. Even some short-coated breeds can get bushy paws underneath. The easiest tool for this is a beard-trimmer or the type of gadget the hairdresser uses to trim the hair on the back of your neck. These can’t cut, so the paw is safe - if you use scissors you risk nicking the webbing between the toes. That would not only be painful now, but would guarantee that foot-trimming is very difficult to do in future! I find dogs enjoy the buzzing and the pleasant fuzzy sensation of the battery-operated trimmer - but you do have to introduce them to this slowly. I have my dogs upside down on my lap so I can easily reach each paw to trim. I shave between the pads, and scissor round the paw so that the feet are neat. This will save you a huge amount of mess and mud brought in by dogs with dishmops for paws. It will also help to lessen problems of grass-seeds, burrs and nasty scalds between the toes from “sticks” made of dried muddy hair, and help your dog keep his grip on tiled or boarded floors. Have a look at this post for more info.

4. “But he’s still growling at me!”

There’s a difference between a growl which is saying, “I’m really not mad about this,” and one which says, “Touch that foot and I’ll bite you.” If you have the latter problem - your dog goes still and stiff, shows the whites of his eyes, snarls and rumbles menacingly - then please find yourself a force-free trainer (Hey! I’m a force-free trainer!

Have a look at our courses with personal coaching) to show you how to change this without your dog getting distressed or you getting bitten. If it’s a mild rumble but your dog is still relaxed and floppy and can interact with you, then go back to habituating him to the towel as if he were a tiny puppy. The following steps could take a day or a month to teach: Show towel - reward; touch foot - reward; touch towel to foot - reward; gently lift foot (taking care over which way your dog’s leg bends) and touch towel to foot - reward; and so on. Until he says, “Oh goody - here’s the towel. I like the towel and its rewards.” Your reward can be an extra special bit of sausage, or a lick of a peanut-buttery spoon. The earlier you can start any desensitisation process like this, the better - hence no.1 above.

Life is so much easier if you can work with your dog instead of against him.

There’s no need to have a battle over such simple, everyday things. Make a deal with him, as you do with a child - “You do this thing you don’t like much, and I’ll give you your favourite treat.” It will become his habit to wait on the doormat while you take off his street-gear and dry his feet.

Lots more force-free answers to everyday doggy problems in our free e-course

THIS FREE ECOURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

Will I Love My Dog More Than I’ll Love My Kids?

You’ve loved your dog for ever.

Just about as long as you’ve wanted children.

You’re now settling down - you’re ready for domesticity. You’re ready to open up your perfect and precious home to crying, laughing, chewing, scribbling - messes of all kinds.

And as you plan and hope and dream, you can’t help wondering if you have enough love and patience to go round.

Will you be judged more severely as a mother than as a dog-owner?

You find yourself asking: “Will I end up loving the non-demanding dog more than the difficult and very demanding children?”

It’s a Good Question!

And a very valid one.

Few people realise what parenthood will really be like. Even if they’ve spent their lives in large extended families with masses of babies and small children, the enormity doesn’t actually hit them till they’re on their own with another, totally dependent, human being.

I guess that’s why our inbuilt yearning causes us to lumber blindly into it! Something has to keep the human race going, and mass amnesia seems as good a way as any.

And I have to say that having spent eight years training, competing with, and wholeheartedly enjoying my four dogs, I was not a little trepidatious myself while awaiting the birth of my first child.

While people who hadn’t experienced the close bond I had developed with my dogs talked excitedly of the new life I was launching and launching into, I smiled outwardly - while Inside I was anxiously wondering if the baby could possibly live up to the dogs.

Those of you who have never experienced a close bond with an animal may be bailing now, thinking I’m completely off my trolley. But stay with me - read on a bit!

My dogs had clear personalities of their own: likes, dislikes, fears, energy levels - everything was individual to them. I suppose I thought that with its slower development a baby would take longer to reveal its personality.

How wrong could I be!

The moment my child was born he was there. Himself. No-one else. And while I was shockingly totally responsible for his very survival, never mind his development and education, it was a relief to know that he was now just as real to me as my dogs were.

Only different.

A Different Kind of Loving

Just as I responded to each of my dogs as an individual, so I responded to my son as an individual. While a dog’s development can be measured in weeks and months, only years will suffice to measure a child’s development. The time invested in child-rearing is of necessity much greater than that invested in puppy-rearing.

I found it much easier than I had feared to adjust to motherhood. It was much as before, except infinitely more time-consuming. Along with the dogs there were many cats, chickens, a flock of pedigree sheep, and a herd of pedigree dairy goats. I was already a full-time nurturer. So  adapting to my second child a year or so later was pretty straightforward.

My dogs helped me by getting me out and keeping me fit, and giving me time to myself (and them) when I was able to leave the children for a while. They also helped by keeping me in touch with my other dog-competition friends, and ensuring that no morsel of food falling from the high chair ever hit the floor, thus making up for the muddy paw prints and shed hair.

 

But the Same Kind of Learning

The pleasant surprise in all this was that the way I worked with my dogs was exactly as effective with my children. I didn’t hit, punish, or nag my dogs. They chose to work purely for rewards.

All animals - from killer whales to chickens, from donkeys to rhinos, from dogs to children - respond to choice-based training. This has been proven scientifically for many years by university departments all over the world. There is no need to punish - punishment only serves to make the punisher feel better and doesn’t change the situation.

• Give them the choice.

  “Would you like to wear your blue jumper or your red jumper?” is a very easy choice to offer, where you don’t care which they choose. But once they choose they are satisfied and they’ll stick with it. The dog equivalent could be “Do you want to put your lead on and go for a walk or do you want to jump around like a fool and go nowhere?” Show your dog the lead. If she keeps still to put it on then you can go out, if she flies around barking you put the lead away and try later.

• What you focus on is what you get.

  So focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Basically, this means you reward what you like; you ignore what you don’t like; and you manage what you can’t ignore. Both dogs and children can choose whether to comply and get a reward (liver treat or tv program, walk or ice cream), or refuse to comply and get … nothing whatsoever - no reaction at all.

• Be consistent.

  What I had already discovered with my dogs was that being consistent made life a hundred times easier. If Yes means Yes, and No is never going to be anything other than No, you only need say these things just the once. As my wise four-year-old once remarked to a visiting child who was about to kick off whingeing and complaining because I had said No to her: “She means it, you know.” He knew that I was consistent. So it was very easy to follow clear house rules, rather than guessing “Is today the day I’ll be able to get away with throwing cake at my brother / pulling on the lead?”

• Be reasonable.

  Be sure what you’re asking is something they already know and understand. If they’ve never been shown how to lay the table, you can’t complain when they look blankly at you. If you’ve never taught your dog to come back when he’s called, how can you possibly blame him when he doesn’t?

• Be honest.

  Admit when you’ve made a mistake. Say sorry if you lose it. They need to see that we can be victims of the moment too.

• Separate the doer from the deed.

  There are no naughty dogs and there are no naughty children. There are dogs and there are children who do naughty things. Labelling them changes them in your eyes (not to mention their own!) and doesn’t give them the choice whether or not to repeat the naughty thing. If they are “naughty”, then they are doomed to stay naughty.

• Just love them anyhow.

  The dogs aren’t with us for long, and the children don’t stay children for long. Life is too short to fill our time with admonishments and blame.

Are you wondering if you’ll be able to cope with your feelings towards your pets and your children, or have you got it all sorted? I’d love to hear from you, in the comments below or here.

Want to see how I manage my dogs and my children the same way?

Watch this free Workshop and get some ideas!

4 ways to find the right dog class

You’ve chosen your dog to be your companion, right?  

So when you look for a dog training class, whether for your puppy or an older dog, you want one which will enrich your relationship and make you better friends.

You may think that if only your dog could be taught to sit, to stay, to come when called . . . everything would be right as rain. But there’s an awful lot more to it than that!

Mothers understand that their child will not learn if he’s not happy in his school. The ambience and approach must be right.

So it is with dogs.

If your dog - your chosen companion! - Is to learn, she must be in a happy environment which is conducive to learning.

This specifically excludes

• Being stuffed in a strange room with a huge number of noisy, anxious, over-excited dogs 😱

• A “trainer” who grabs your dog and manhandles her 😱 😱

• You, her owner, getting shouted at and abused 😱 😱 😱

• The use of any aversive equipment (choke chains, prong collars, electronic torture devices) 😱 😱 😱 😱

• The use of aversive methods (yanking the lead, pushing, prodding, shouting, rolling, intimidating) 😱 😱 😱 😱 😱

Imagine you’re that mother looking for a school for her child. If you visited the classroom and saw any of the above - not only would you be out of there in an instant, but you would be reporting the school to the authorities!

So why on earth do civilised people accept this kind of thing for their dog’s learning?

My guess is that they believe hundred-year-old old wives’ tales about how dogs should be treated, and they have watched television programmes starring brash tv personalities who have no dog-training qualifications whatever. Those programmes are made with the sole intent of shocking, and boosting the ratings for the tv channel.

Or maybe the trainer is authoritarian and bossy and makes them distrust their own better judgment?

So to avoid these horror-classes, what can you do?

1. Research diligently. Ask specific questions about the methods used, the numbers in the class, any equipment you may need. You are looking for the words “force-free”. (Beware: “Reward-based training” is not enough, as there are plenty of ‘trainers’ who give a treat with one hand and administer an electric shock with the other. They like to style themselves “balanced trainers”.)

Check on the trainer’s credentials and check their memberships out carefully. Here you are looking for APDT(UK) (Association of Pet Dog Trainers UK), CBATI (Certified Behaviour Adjustment Training Instructor), IMDT (Institute of Modern Dog Training), KPA-CTP (Karen Pryor Academy Certified Training Partner), APBC (Association of Pet Behaviour Counsellors), VSPDT (Victoria Stilwell Positively Dog Training), PPG (Pet Professional Guild), ABTC Registered Animal Instructor (Animal Behaviour and Training Council) - any of these indicate that the trainer is entirely force-free.

2. Visit the class (without your dog) and spend a full hour watching and observing closely. If a visit is not allowed, discard that class entirely and look elsewhere.

• You are looking for relaxed, happy, owners and their families with relaxed, happy, and engaged dogs.

• Individual tuition with adaptation of the exercises to accommodate shy dogs, boisterous dogs, barky dogs, etc

• A calm and attentive atmosphere with NO shouting

• Small numbers (6 to 8 is good) with plenty of space between them

• An indoor location (particularly important for puppies)

• A structured class with variety

• Reference to the class resources

• A welcoming atmosphere with questions freely answered

• If it’s a good class, you should come away having learnt a lot!

3. If your dog is already anxious or reactive you need to double down on all your research. The wrong ‘trainer’ can make everything so much worse!

4. Follow your gut feeling. Can you see yourself enjoying six of these sessions? Can you see your dog enjoying six of these sessions?

Yes - that is a lot to consider.

But there’s a lot at stake.

You are going to live with your companion dog for 12-15 years. Do you really want someone to mess up your relationship permanently in a matter of weeks?

For force-free training you can totally trust watch our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN!

Was your first dog your bestest dog ever?

My childhood dog was called Simon.

He was black and white and grey - a blue roan, in spaniel language - though much bigger than cocker spaniels tend to be nowadays, an old-fashioned version.

He was the same age as me, so we grew up together.

Harry Potter-like, he slept in the Singing Cupboard.

This was the same kitchen cupboard that housed the wireless, so he could enjoy “Music while you Work” and other such gems from post-war Britain while he dozed on his blankets. (No, he was never shut in the cupboard.)

In those days - especially in our suburban arcadia - it was normal for dogs to be loose. So our childhood adventures in the fields and on bikes were always accompanied by Simon.

Sometimes he wore sunglasses. Sometimes the poor dog had to wear shorts or a jumper. He took great pleasure in mucky pools and ditches, and he loved car rides.

He’d lie in front of the open fire and occasional coal explosions would result in a column of smoke rising from the sleeping dog’s thick coat. Very little bothered him.

Decades before dog agility was begun as a sport, I had jumps and hoops rigged up in the garden as a “showjumping course” for my dog.

So you can see where all this dog training came from!

Many people look back happily on their childhood, and the dog or dogs that pulled them through it.

It’s natural to want to re-create that for ourselves now, and especially for our family, so that our children can enjoy the same freedom and joy of having a devoted companion through the trials and tribulations of growing up.

But there are some things you need to keep in mind. 

🐾 There’ll never be another Simon.

There have been plenty of other charming canine individuals in my life - and I wouldn’t want to change a thing about them - but it’s not possible to re-create Simon. Each new dog brings his own personality to the party, and you have to work with what you have, not what you may wish you had.

🐾 Things have changed.

The happy-go-lucky life we enjoyed as children does not happen so much now. Dogs tend to be banned and barred from so many places that they don’t have the same social skills Simon had.

🐾 Breeds have changed.

What was once a suitable family pet is not necessarily now the case. You will have to dig deep here to find out what you need to know before inviting a particular breed into your home.

🐾 Memories are selective.

And as a child there’s an awful lot that I never knew or understood. My mother may have had a different view of having Simon - coloured by all the extra housework and possibly expense he may have caused. I never had to clean sick off the carpet - maybe it never happened. Maybe it happened a lot. I have no memory of that.

 🐾 On the plus side,

advances in understanding of dog behaviour and training have been so enormous over the past couple of decades, that all the help you need to rear the Brilliant Family Dog you want is available to you.

You just need to know where to look. Hint: keep reading!

By all means cherish the memories of your beloved childhood dog, and try and find his essence in a present-day equivalent.

That warm fuzzy glow of endless summer that I remember is far from being the whole picture!