Do-based training for you and your dog

I was thinking about Don’t-based training in this post a few weeks ago. And on reflection, I thought how much this applies to us as well as to those we interact with - dogs, colleagues, children, partner …

We say DON’T to ourselves every bit as much as we say it to our dogs and possibly our children - and often more!

Time to find a better way!

No blame, no shame

We turn straight to fault-finding, blame - shame! This happens with us as well as with our dogs.

“I’m no good at this,” we cry. “I can never make this work,” “Who, me??”

How often do you find yourself saying this type of thing? Doing yourself down? Why are we so intent on finding fault, beating ourselves up?

Could these feelings of unworthiness have been instilled at an early age, and we accept them as fact?

We’d never speak as harshly to another person - and I hope, our dogs! - as we speak to ourselves.

Imagine your friend saying, “I want to start this new project,” and you saying, “You? Some hope! You’re useless - it’ll never work. Why even bother?”

Of course you wouldn’t! You would be kind, supportive, encouraging. Even if you thought the venture foolhardy you’d step carefully round the subject, tease out some answers, and NOT judge your friend.

Would you say to your dog who is struggling to understand you, “You’re stupid. Why did I ever get you? You can’t learn anything.”

Of course you wouldn’t! You would be kind, thoughtful, gentle. You’d seek to find where your dog’s problem is, and how you can adjust things to make life easier for you both.

So why do you say it to yourself?

Dog training aka people training

You can use what you know from the way I show you to train your dog.

• You focus on what you want

• You start from where you are

• You take baby steps

• You celebrate small successes

• You are proud of what you achieve!

Start with the science-backed method that works:

Reward.

Not a “carrot” or a “stick”, but a reward. A word, a treat (we can have treats too!), a touch. Something that shows you understand. Something that shows you appreciate the effort being made.

It’s been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, with species as diverse as killer whales, dogs, pigeons, and dare I add - children!

If you reward what you like you’ll get more of it

And in this case the reward is in focussing on what it is you like. The more you think of what you can’t do, your insufficiencies, your perceived failures, the more of that you’ll get!

So the message is clear:

Focus on what you want and go for it.

Whether that’s the new trick you want to teach your dog, or the new course you want to chart for your life. No more beating yourself up!

Decisions, decisions

People find decision-making hard. We’re trying to break away from possible directions and choose just one. Sometimes we want to make a b-i-i-i-i-g life decision. Sometimes we can’t decide what to have for supper.

But decision-making is a habit. And you can build this up with practice. So practice making small decisions and then putting the subject out of your mind - no longer open for debate.

Don’t second guess yourself. Once it’s decided it’s DONE.

Do this with something small - like that question of what to have for supper - and enjoy the feeling of success and relief, once you’ve stopped going round in circles in your mind. Make your decision, and stick with it!

Soon you’ll be saying, “I’m going to schedule three training sessions with my dog this week, and get started on Loose Lead Walking working for me.” And you’ll STICK to it! Because you made that decision.

Looking for new things to teach your dog? Check out our free 8-lesson email course, packed full of recipes and new methods to explore

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The Old Dog: 5 secrets for keeping him young

I write with my old dog at my feet. Tired out after his hour's free running - and he still does run! Border Collies will run till they drop if you let them - he sleeps peacefully near me. He still prefers the hard floor to any of the comfy beds scattered about the house - a hard Border Collie, he! Rollo doesn't see so well now, and he doesn't hear as sharply, but as long as he jumps up - ready to go - when I move, I know he's well.

It's so easy to look after him after our long life together. It's never a chore to take extra time for my old dog, to hold the kitchen door open a bit longer, help him up the stairs, lift him into the van - it's not a task, it's a pleasure. It's a small Thank you for all the love and fun he's given me over the last thirteen years together.

We still enjoy our conversations at the end of the day, Rollo with his head on my knee, gazing at me with devotion, me twiddling his ears and smoothing his brow.

Dogs don't live as long as we do - some stiff questions will need to be answered in the afterlife! - but they pack an enormous amount into their few years.

A sheepdog runs maybe 30,000 miles in his lifetime, much of it over rough terrain and in all weathers. Gundogs also clock up huge mileage, and even the busy little terrier covers an awful lot of ground during the course of an active day. Sighthounds are professional sleepers, but can operate for short periods at phenomenal speeds, crashing through undergrowth as they race. All this activity causes a lot of wear and tear on the skeleton and soft tissues as your young tearaway becomes an old dog.

The Secret of Keeping an Old Dog Young

There are steps we can take to keep our old friend active and content for as long as possible. 

1. Physical fitness

The most important is to keep him physically fit. If you’ve always paid attention to this, this won’t be difficult. You can’t suddenly start a fitness regime with an old, portly, dog without care and possibly help from an expert.

See an old dog in action here! Jake was 14 in this photo of him catching his frisbee. 

2. The right food

"You are what you eat," as the old saw goes, and the right nutrition is so important.

How would your teeth be in old age if you only ate soggy biscuits all your life? How could your body function correctly if you had been bred for thousands of years to tear into raw meat, guts and bones, yet were only allowed to eat grain? And what would your muscle tone be like if you were served mushy food in your armchair everyday, instead of having to find and prepare fresh food for yourself?

This is how it is for millions of dogs worldwide, caught up in the fashion for fast food. Check out this post now, to see how to feed your dog healthily, appropriately, and ... very cheaply!

To keep your old dog fit and happy, it's essential to keep the weight off! It's so sad to see huge, obese dogs waddling around, and it's usually pure self-indulgence on the part of their owners. So much easier to stuff the dog with unsuitable food and then blame her for not wanting to exercise!

Did you know that giving a small dog a biscuit is the equivalent of us eating a beefburger! Please think before giving your dog - of whatever age - unsuitable food. If you must, then break off a tiny morsel of biscuit - that will carry the same message of devotion. And it’s never too late to teach your dog that begging doesn’t work! Check out Leave It! and change your life.

How can you tell if your dog is carrying too much weight? Checking your dog over regularly with your hands will tell you - and will also pick up any sores, ticks, cuts, lumps, mats, rashes, and whatnot.

The back of the neck should have soft folds of skin you can lift easily: no rolls of hard fat. You want to be able to feel all the ribs - but you don’t want to cut yourself on them! You should easily be able to locate the pin bones at the top of the pelvis, and the belly area should be soft and hollow most of the time. A tight beer-belly shape means you have work to do.

If you choose to feed a raw natural diet, this problem never seems to arise. It's hard work chomping your way through meaty bones, and this is beneficial for teeth, muscles and therefore the skeleton. The whole dog gets involved in ripping meat off a bone - see them use their legs and shoulders and really put their backs into it!

But if that’s not for you, at least make sure the diet is highly nutritious, and you provide plenty of chewing possibilities and monitor exercise.

3. Dry him off

My next tip comes from that redoubtable English Border Collie breeder and trainer, Bing Bellamy (Sealight Border Collies). "Never leave an old dog wet!" she admonished. Some of you rejoice in warm weather year-round, so this may not apply to you. But for those of us languishing in the temperate zones or worse, it's good advice. It's easy enough to ensure your house-dwelling old dog is clean and dry after a walk, but remember your kennel dogs need even more care - dry bedding, no draughts, no damp, heating where appropriate.

Rollo would like to spend his day in the garden, lying in the wet grass, getting covered in a blanket of snow, or just drenched with rain. But I won’t let him! His killjoy mother doesn’t allow it.

Despite all your efforts, your old dog may suffer from arthritis, old soft-tissue injuries, and sundry joint problems. All those miles clock up! There's lots of help you can get, from over-the-counter remedies to working with a Canine Massage Therapist (you’ll need a vet referral) - don't leave your friend suffering!

4. Give him comfort

Give your old dog a warm, comfy bed. Many dogs have made a warm, comfy bed a requirement from an early age - for Cricket the Whippet it's a priority! But even those who spend their life spurning the lovely bed you bought them in favour of a cool tiled floor will benefit from a soft bed as they get older.

Be sure that it's an easy-care bed, as one of the problems you may encounter in your old dog is urinary incontinence. This is more common in a spayed bitch, as the hormones needed to keep the tissues plump are no longer available. It's simply cured though. Your vet will have hormone tablets that you can administer in remarkably small doses that I have found fix the problem completely.

5. Eyes and Ears

Just like us, your old dog is gradually going to suffer from diminished function of eyes and ears.

Loss of hearing can be dangerous for your dog - unless you are prepared to keep him on a lead rather more. My old dog Poppy was so deaf towards the end of her sixteen years that I attached a bell to her collar. At least I knew where she was in our garden or in the fields we walked, even if she didn't know where I was.

Once I’d discovered this trick, it's now standard practice for us to add a bell to the collar of our old dogs when we go out. And the bell also keeps bears away - not a huge advantage in the Norfolk countryside, but perhaps more helpful where you live!

It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good, though, and an unexpected benefit of hearing loss was that once she got to fourteen or so, Tip, another of my collies, was no longer terrorised by fireworks for the month leading up to Guy Fawkes Night (though now they can happen any time …). So your anxious dog has this relief to look forward to!

You'll know when your old dog's eyesight is getting worse as he starts to knock into doorways, miss catching his ball or frisbee, and peer in your general direction when you speak to him, instead of straight at you.

Rollo used to be famous for catching. Nothing got past him, however cannily we tried to trick him! Sadly, he can’t catch anything at all now. But careful throwing can still give him a game of chase, with the frisbee landing in front of him so he can scoop it up. And quite often, one or two dashes is enough. So after handing the toy back to me to throw again a couple of times, he’ll keep away with his frisbee and watch the younger dogs flying about.

As time goes by your older dog will stick close to you a lot of the time. Unless there's a danger to the dog, or he is seriously injuring himself, he can usually be accommodated pretty easily.

His eyes may weep, so you'll need to clean his face for him. You'll also need to clean him the other end on occasion, especially if he has a long coat, as he finds it harder to reach that far to clean himself. A long-coated dog could also benefit from having his "trousers" and underside clipped shorter. This will ensure that there are no mats that can become smelly.

Tough Decision Time

Some dogs will slide gracefully and uneventfully into old age, like my Battersea special Poppy, and will die peacefully at home. Up to age 16, she still came for occasional walks and was content to potter about the house and garden, having no difficulty getting up. If she didn’t want to come, she would turn her head away when I got her lead: it was always her choice.

But there may come a time when your old dog is suffering pain, is unhappy, and you need to intervene to end his life.

Unlike us, a dog can't curl up with a good book. If he can't "be a dog", and run or just walk about, snuffling at things and enjoying life; if he's no longer excited at the sight of the lead and cry of "Walk!" then maybe it's time to let him go. Don't agonise for too long over this. You'll know when the time is right, so just do it. And you’ll know afterwards when you experience the flood of relief that your old friend is no longer suffering that you did the right thing.

I’m happy to pay a bit extra for the vet to come to the house to do the deed. My last dog to go was lying on his bed being handfed fish and chips while the nice visitor stroked him and he slid away.

I shall have to dodge the brickbats now, but I could never bring myself to put a dog's back end into nappies and onto a pair of wheels. My criterion in the event of an accident has always been "Can he be a dog?" Getting about on three legs will still allow him to be a dog. Two legs and two wheels will not. Though I must emphasise that this is my own personal choice. I know people who have kitted out their dog with wheels and had success. There's a lot you'd need to take into account to choose the best outcome for your family and your dog.

Old dogs are a delight

Enjoy them and give them the time they deserve. We only have one life, as do they. Let’s make it the best for both of us!

If you’re struggling to come to terms with any of this, you may find help here: www.beverleycourtney.com

Consistency vs unpredictability in dog training

I was talking about being unpredictable in your dog training here recently. And yet I also talk a lot about being consistent!

It’s a fine line we need to tread. Between boring the proverbial pants off our dog and retaining some semblance of knowing what we’re doing.

And it’s not only in your life with your dog that you need to keep this in mind … more below.

Predictability

In your training you need to be predictable. Your dog has to KNOW without a doubt when she’s got something right.

So this is why using your marker at the right moment is so important.

“Marker?” you ask? This is what you do when your dog does something you like. Some folk like to use a clicker, but most will get along very nicely with a word. I use YES. Quick, clear, to the point. Whatever my dog was doing when I say YES is something she’ll consider worth repeating.

Why? Because YES is always followed with a reward.

Always. No exceptions.

This is where the clarity and consistency come in.

So if you’re woolly over your timing, your dog’s response is going to be equally woolly.

I often say Lacy wears her heart on her tail! Because I know EXACTLY when she’s GOT the new thing she’s learning, as her tail starts to swish as soon as she does the required action.

This is great feedback for me!

Your dog may give a clear signal like that. Or you may have to depend on

🐾 sparkly eyes,

🐾 slightly parted mouth,

🐾 eager stance …

See the image at the top for a demo of this. By the way, Lacy hadn’t just eaten a cat - I was wearing a red jumper and it reflected back on to her pearly whites!

You’ll get to know exactly what your dog does when she gets it. This is wonderfully rewarding for us, too.

Unpredictability

But there’s also a place for being UNPREDICTABLE!

Don’t be a clockwork dog owner - keep your dog guessing!

🐾 Do you usually train in the kitchen?

✔️ Train in the bedroom.

🐾 Do you usually sit in a particular chair?

✔️ Choose another.

🐾 Do you usually train your dog at a certain time - or place?

✔️ Mix it up.

Get the idea?

And if your dog is doing something you’re not mad about, follow this simple recipe:

1. Your dog is doing something.

2. Decide what you’d like instead.

3. Teach the new thing.

4. Be consistent.

Please don’t expect your dog to somehow know - not only what aspect of her behaviour is troubling you, but what you want her to do instead!

Dogs are remarkably sensitive and observant, but they don’t have a crystal ball.

Not only with our dog . . .

For some ideas of how to go about this with ease, check out our free email course

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And it’s not only with our dog we need to combine unpredictability and consistency. If you’ve done the same things, day in, day out, since forever . . . you’re going to get the same results as you’ve always got. Stands to reason!

So to get the change we all need - to move forward in our lives and fulfil our true potential - something has got to change. We can’t stay stuck in childhood our whole life.

Change things up, be unpredictable! This is the ultimate sign of a flexible mind.

Choose new thoughts, new feelings, new things you can do.

While, at the same time, being consistent!

Always stay true to your values and your core beliefs.

That’s a puzzle for you to work out. Have fun!

Your dog may be your greatest teacher!

I am firmly of the belief that we are sent the dog we need. The dog who needs to teach us.

And if your dogs all seem to misbehave in the same way, it’s because you haven’t yet learnt the lesson the first dog was trying to teach you! So you get the “same dog” over and over again.

This is not confined to dogs, by the way. We all know people who keep having failed relationships with the “same person”. And folk who persist in the same way of communicating or working which always results in the same disappointment and frustration.

Who is your best teacher?

It may have been an actual, official, teacher. Or your mother, your grandfather, the man in the corner shop, trees, a child, the sky, yourself.

And the lessons may not be the lessons you expected! You are being shown what works, and what doesn’t work.

As James Wedmore puts it,

You either get the result you want, or the lesson you need to learn.

There is no failure, in other words. You always get a result - but it may be a surprise to you . . .

Is your best teacher your dog?

Let’s look at your dog again.

If your dog is ruling the roost it’s because he’s teaching you better than you’re teaching him!

I’m perplexed when I see how people mistakenly treat their 8-week-old puppy as if he has the knowledge and wisdom of the ages.

He doesn’t!

He knows nothing!

I know they’re not nasty people - they have been misled into this way of thinking, by tv personalities who claim to be dog trainers, and by popular perception and old wives’ tales..

But expecting him to “know”, or to “behave”, is as unreasonable as expecting the same of an 8-week-old baby.

In every interaction, one participant is shaping the other.

That is to say, one is calling the shots and the other is complying. This never has to be nasty - imagine you’re dealing with that small baby. There is no assumption of right or wrong, no blame, no shame - just getting things working well, for both of you.

I never want to enforce obedience. I would far rather manage my dogs so that they choose to do what I would like them to do.

And it’s entirely possible!

Though you may need to make some mental adjustments yourself:

🐾 Ditch the concept that you are superior to your dog.

🐾 Ditch the idea that others must obey your “commands”.

🐾 Scrap the thought that failure to comply is outright rebellion and must be quashed! 

Have a look at what this Brilliant Family Dog Academy student had to say, two months into her program:

I’m delighted and love that the dogs seem to be deciding what it’s best to do, so that life is calmer and simpler, and a proper partnership. Thank you, Beverley. MC

Want to know how she achieved this?

Watch our free Workshop to get your dog to listen, and find out just how much of the learning is for you!

Once you change what you’re doing, your dog will automatically change. Exciting!

And when you reflect on all of this, you may find you could do with a bit of help and healing in order to change where you are in all aspects of your life.

Drop me a message and we can have a conversation about how you can achieve what it is you truly want in this one precious life of yours!

All your eggs in one (dog) basket

Now that the social distancing restrictions are being relaxed - a little - I’m delighted to see that many of my UK colleagues in the force-free dog training world are once more able to run their classes, albeit with many restrictions and caveats.

It has been a hard time for them. A business they had worked to build up over years of dedicated hard work - closed overnight.

Many got government relief, some did not.

And it got me to thinking about diversity of effort.

Diversity in everything

The more streams of income you can generate, the less dependent you are on just one. Many of these trainers - along with yoga teachers, personal trainers, cookery teachers, and the like - have discovered the joys of online learning. It kept them in touch with their audience while they couldn’t meet physically, and it kept some income coming in.

Many of these people have dropped this internet work like a stone, and gone back to face-to-face classes only.

There’s huge value in “live” classes, of course. And there are dog-owners who cannot see the possibilities of online classes. But this is usually based on a misconception - that the trainer has to see the dog behaving poorly in order to make change.

If you’re working with an expert, there’s a lot you don’t need to explain or show. I can’t tell you how many clients - when I visited their homes to help them with their reactive dog - would start putting on their coat so they could take their dog out on to the street to put him into a difficult situation and demonstrate to me just what their dog did!

Not only did I not want the dog to get stressed at the beginning of our session, but I absolutely knew already exactly what their dog did! It’s what I do! That’s why they engaged me! That’s why I was there!

So if you’re feeling concerned that working with a dog training expert without them actually seeing your dog won’t work - think again! I know from the response to my books and my online courses that physical presence is not necessary (and in some cases, entirely inappropriate) for massive change and improvement to happen.

Just be sure the trainer you pick is force-free! Using force with a reactive, anxious, aggressive - Growly - dog is not only cruel, but counter-productive. i.e. it makes things worse!

But we’re not out of the woods yet

What may happen if there’s another clampdown?

Not so many years ago, the internet was not even a spark on the horizon. There were no e-readers, no audiobooks. Phones were used for . . . phone calls! What we now take for granted was only seen in sci-fi films - strange visions of the future that we never really expected to happen.

Who knows what new things await us! This is exciting! And I for one want to be there, exploring the new possibilities to get our valuable message out to the world. There are billions of people who still see dogs as chattles, soulless, non-sentient beings, not worthy of respect. We are inching our way into changing this way of thinking. SO much more to do!

Being open to novelty is not only essential in our business lives. It’s just as important in our own personal life, and of course in our life with our dog.

One of the chief triggers for reactive dogs is novelty. The ability to accept and process new things is vital to their rehabilitation. So treading the same path (figuratively speaking), always having the same responses, dealing with the same reactions, feeling the same frustration, is not going to lead to change!

You know the old saying,

Your mind is like a parachute - it only works when it’s open!

An open and enquiring mind will lead us to the answers and directions we seek.

Change for your dog!

◆   “No matter how many times I say xyz, he still carries on the same …”

◆   “I’ve tried everything …”

◆   “There’s no hope for my dog, he’ll never change …”

All these statements I hear frequently suggest that what you’re doing isn’t working! Time to put your thinking cap on and find a new way.

Repeating the same actions and expecting a different result is not terribly realistic. And, as is attributed to Einstein,

“You can’t solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it.”

Your dog is a sentient being - like you. This is happily enshrined in law in many European countries. He’s not a machine that just needs a few tweaks with a spanner to function correctly. Your journey with your dog is a journey you take together. It’s what’s happening between the two of you that will dictate the level of success you will reach.

So what are you going to do this week to make some changes with your dog? What new thoughts are you going to bring to your dog “problems”? What new approach might you try?

Let me know what you decide on, and what works for you. A new approach could be just what you need!

Is your dog or your little puppy throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Check our free courses and find how to change things fast!

The only constant is change

2,500 years ago, Heraclitus said “The only constant is change”.

And he wasn’t wrong!

Things change all round us. The seasons change. Things that were growing die. Things that appeared dead, grow. People age. Babies are born. Our dogs grow older. New puppies appear.

Scientific and technical advances mean that daily life is always changing - our grandparents had no smartphones!

And as we’ve discovered this year, our whole way of life can change - very quickly. What we took as normal is now exceptional. What was outlandish is now standard.

So how do you stop your head spinning in all this? How do you hold on to your place in the world?

Let go of control!

The first thing to know is that the more you try and control the world around you, the less control you will have. It will lead only to frustration, anger, resentment.

It’s an impossible task! Like trying to hold on to water!

And this isn’t confined to the world around us . . .

You may know by this stage of your life that trying to control the people around you is doomed to failure. And you should also know by now that trying to control your dog is equally doomed. The only way you can possibly exert this level of control - of bending another to your will - is by extreme force, captivity, limitation, abuse.

And we don’t want to go that way.

So in this world of shifting shapes and shifting times, how are we to hold on to reality?

Start with yourself

The fact is that the only thing you can control is . . . what you think.

Yep. That’s it. That’s the extent of what you can control.

Death camp survivor Viktor Frankl knew a thing or two about control and being controlled. Amidst all the horror he held on to his mind by holding on to this thought:

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

But it’s often the last thing people resort to! They think it’s easier to control everyone and everything else, that they themselves are right, so everyone else must be wrong

Once you can shake this daft way of thinking out of your head, the path is open to you to truly control by influencing, by showing the way, by shining the light.

It is empowering when we recognise that we’re part of a changing universe, that the only thing that stays the same is the fluctuation.

King Canute is famous for attempting to turn the tide and failing. He is often misrepresented as stupid. In fact he was on the side of sense - he was demonstrating to his fawning courtiers that even a king could not affect the fundamental nature of our universe - that of change.

Canute worked this out a thousand years ago. It seems we have to work it out for ourselves anew!

Our dog’s behaviour

I see this frequently in new students, and in emails from readers. Their dog’s previously predictable behaviour changes. So their knee-jerk reaction is to control the dog, to stop the behaviour, to enforce change. (I say “new students” advisedly! Students who’ve been around me for a while know that this is not the way forward.)

If instead of seeing this as open rebellion - the start of a slippery slope, the dog getting out of hand, taking over, “dominating” - if instead the dog’s owner sees it as a simple change, then it becomes so much easier to guide the dog into choices that align with how you’d like him to be.

Control not necessary!

Think of how much energy you’ll save by moving into an accepting state of mind, instead of one of continual resistance and confrontation!

It’s not what happens in life: it’s how you deal with it

But I know this can be hard - especially in the heat of the moment. We’ve been conditioned all our life to defend our territory, to regard any encroachment as a dangerous act. Just knowing that this river of life is flowing around you, and the way to enjoy the experience is to flow with it, can be an ideal you may struggle to reach!

If this is you, I think I may be able to help you. I would love the opportunity to see how this thinking is affecting you, and what the best way forward would be for you. Drop me a line and maybe we can get on a call together and see where this leads you.