Can keeping away from other dogs make my dog worse?

One of the joys of my work is that I see more and more people starting out on their dog-owning journey using only force-free methods. HOORAY!!

They have dismissed all those noisy “balanced” or shock trainers. They’ve seen through them for what they are: bullies.

They have no wish to treat their dog any differently from the other members of their family.

They’ve got rid of the aversive equipment they were persuaded to spend money on in order to keep their poor dog under ever tighter physical control. They’re ready to rock and roll!

Kudos to these dog-owners for wanting to treat their dog humanely! and not falling for the clever marketing of the tv personality “trainers”

Trouble is, some of the old methods die hard. While the spirit is willing, the new neural pathways have yet to be cut!

❓ “If I treat him when he barks, isn’t he going to think I’m rewarding him for barking?”

❓ “If I let him choose where he wants to sleep, won’t he take over the house and steal my bed?”

❓ “If I let my puppy sleep in my bedroom, will I never be able to get him out?”

❓ “Do I have to carry treats for the rest of my life? When can I get rid of them?” (I dunno - when does your boss stop paying you?) 

And here’s a good one:

❓ “I’ve done what you told me and we’ve kept our reactive dog away from other dogs. But won’t that make him more afraid of them?” 

It’s great that I frequently get queries from folk who are just starting out on their new force-free journey with their reactive, anxious, aggressive - Growly - dog.

This query comes up surprisingly often.

And it shows that - while they’re doing their best to follow a kinder way - they haven’t yet grasped the reason behind it.

Tell me: Let’s say you were afraid of spiders. I mean terrified. And I made sure to keep you away from them (or them away from you!) as much as possible, so that you didn’t continually get frights and panic attacks, always on full alert, ready to “fight or flee”. How would you feel if, after a few spider-free months, you saw one?

Would you feel exactly the same level of anxiety as you did when you came across spiders all day, every day?

OR

Would you feel less alarmed, having spent months not jumping out of your skin every few hours?

Might you, in fact, be able to look at this spider with curiosity rather than blind panic?

So it is for your dog!

Giving your dog distance from the thing he fears allows all his systems to return to normal levels. Hormones stabilise. Heart rate plummets. Stress levels are down. He is no longer scanning the horizon waiting for a dog to appear. You can actually enjoy a walk together! 

This image of Otto calmly watching another dog is from one of the many videos in my premium program From Growly Dog to Confident Dog

Once you’ve got to this point, you’ve got something you can work with, as opposed to the spinning, lurching, tense ball of fear and noise that you previously got on sight of another dog.

You’ve desensitised your dog from other dogs (at a great distance). Now you can start Phase II of the operation! You can start counterconditioning him to other dogs at a slightly closer distance.

This part requires some skill and a lot more understanding. I go into it in great detail in From Growly Dog to Confident Dog  I’m keen that you should learn this thoroughly so that you get it right from the start!

For now, suffice it to say that you need to associate those distant dogs with the appearance of something really good - turkey, sausage, cheese, liver cake are all winners here - changing the emotional response of your dog to the things he previously feared.

Your dog kicking off at other dogs is the result of how she feels about the sight of a dog approaching. This is how the sequence goes:

Dog appears

Your dog thinks OH NO!

Your dog feels afraid

Your dog barks and lunges and screams to get the other dog to go away

(And I could add - you feel embarrassed, wretched, and helpless.)

So this is where we honour the dog, honour her feelings, and change the actions which are a result of those feelings. 

✅ Yes. Your dog will gradually become more tolerant of dogs in her environment, simply because she no longer has that knee-jerk fear reaction when she sees one.

✅ And YES. Keeping your dog at a safe distance for as long as it takes will help this process.

❎ Nope. She’s not going to feel worse about strange dogs the less she sees them, any more than you’ll feel worse about spiders the less you see of them.

Learn exactly what your Growly Dog is thinking and why he does what he does, with our free email course

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My dog gets to enjoy the coffee shop too!

My dog gets to enjoy the coffee shop too!

I am sitting in the window of our local busy coffee shop, in a comfortable armchair, my coffee on the table beside me. Just inside the full-length window, by my feet, lies Lacy on her mat.

We can both relax after our morning outing - me in my armchair, she on her mat watching the world go by without barking at it.

She’s polished off the liver sausage foodtoy I prepared for her. She’s done a couple of tricks for a fingertip of cream from my coffee. She’s watched comings and goings and is now dozing on the mat, her chin resting on my foot.

She’s popular with the staff who are always pleased to see her. It’s a pleasant way for both of us to unwind after our morning’s work.

You may think this is all fairly unremarkable, but you should know that Lacy started out as a very reactive dog - she would get stressed and barky and appear ferocious at any approach, of dogs or people.

Already got a Growly Dog? A reactive, shy, aggressive dog? Watch our free Masterclass and learn new strategies to change your lives for the better!

So getting her to genuinely relax in a public place is an achievement of which I am proud and which we can both enjoy. A lot of what I teach here at Brilliant Family Dog is geared to growing your puppy’s or dog’s confidence and ability to relax. You can train all the sits in the world, but it’s no good if your dog is panting and gasping and pinging off the walls!

Horses for courses

Many dogs are sufficiently “wired” that they need help to learn this skill - especially with the growing popularity of placing working dogs in pet homes. This is a kind of square-peg/round-hole combo which needs careful management to succeed and not drive everyone - owner and dog - barmy.

Lacy has also gone through all the training I do in my premium programs - naturally, it’s one of the perks of being the boss’s dog! And the results have been as spectacular for her as for so many of my students. “I can’t believe how much our life has changed,” is a common cry after even the first Growly Dog lesson.

An awful lot of this has to do with how we act ourselves, and with our expectations: What you expect, you get! Gaining insight into why your dog does what she does is the way to make changes to accommodate her needs with minimum disruption to your daily life. And that’s the focus of the choice-based training I teach.

It’s a question of growing your confidence so you know what to do in any situation. Being able to settle your dog in a public place and flip her off-switch is a valuable skill.

Here’s a great way to get started with this skill

Calm Down! Step-by-Step to a Calm, Relaxed, and Brilliant Family Dog - in ebook, paperback, or audiobook - will help you to locate this hidden switch!

Don’t go without our free e-course to change life with your Growly Dog!

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Procrastination is the thief of your dog’s time

“Procrastination is the thief of time”

One of my mother’s favourite sayings! Whenever we wanted to put off doing anything at all - from carrying our plate back to the sink to hanging up our coats or finishing our homework - that steady calm voice would tell us we were wasting our precious time, that it was lost and gone for ever.

Of course at that age we had no idea of how fast time whizzes by.

But now we’re all grown up and we know! All too well!

And it’s not only our time that we’re losing, but our lovely dog’s time.

Our dogs haven’t got as long as we have. They haven’t got time to lose. They’re here and time-consuming (as a puppy), they’re still here and much loved and adored (as an older dog).

But how much of their time do we waste by NOT working with them? 

.. by NOT teaching them what we’d like?

.. by NOT finding the time to do the training we’ve spent ages trawling through the internet to find?

If we’re always being too busy to utilise the knowledge we’ve found, then that knowledge is useless - and acquiring it was a perfect waste of time! 

NOW NOW NOW!

We all want rapid results - of course we do. I don’t know about you, but I get a lot of tech challenges in my line of business. I know how to do things . . . but what do I do when it all goes wrong? 😱

Over time I’ve cracked most of the daily tech problems I get. But if my business didn’t rely on solving those problems, I’d probably . . . procrastinate!

It’s much easier not to confront problems, rather let them drift in the forlorn hope that they’ll just disappear. But as we know, in truth, they bubble along below the surface till one day they jump up to bite us!

And then, don’t you just wish you’d dealt with the problem head on, at the time it first emerged? Because now you have loads of issues to unravel - just to get back to where you started!

So to forestall tech problems, I’m careful only to use software which has a solid reputation for speedy support and backup. 

Don’t you need just that with your dog?

You can find anything you want on the internet and in books. You can filter your results carefully for methods which accord with your own values - to make sure you only use force-free training.

You can even allocate the time and get started working with your dog!

So . . . it says: 

Step 1: Do this

Step 2: Dog will do that

Step 3: You’ve got it!

But hang on! What happens when Step 2 falls asunder?

What happens when you “do this” (or you think you’re “doing this” - maybe you’re actually doing something wrong or different? How can you know?) and then your dog does NOT “do that”?

Now what?

You’re stuck. Stuck fast. Can’t move forward. No idea what the problem is. Is the dog dumb? Are you dumb? You’re doing your best and it’s just not working.

This is where you need that speedy support and backup. There is absolutely no reason why you should be able to make this work straight away. You’re not an expert, which is why you’ve looked for help in the first place!  

So what can you do?

Just like me choosing softwares which have a solid reputation for speedy support and backup, you need to choose dog training with a solid reputation for speedy support and backup!

I’m not a tech expert, and I can’t manage those techy problems without guidance and help. And if you’re not a professional dog trainer,  you need that same guidance and help for your dog training.

Every time you meet a problem you can’t solve, you’re likely to put off dealing with it.

• Ok, so the dog jumps up on visitors - I can’t fix it so they’ll have to put up with it.

• The dog barks at other dogs - been trying to change this on my own for years without success.

• My dog is so embarrassing I can’t walk him by daylight … I’ve tried everything . . .

You need HELP!

You need someone who you can trust not only to give you the methods and techniques, but to help you build a plan to teach them to your particular dog - in your own individual circumstances - and then be there for you to be accountable to, so that you get it done!

Someone who will hold your hand, help you modify your plan where necessary, see what may be going wrong, and give you a High Five when you’ve achieved your goal.

Someone you can be honest with, unburden yourself to, who you know will understand what you’re struggling with with your dog.

You’re in luck!

You can sign up here for our free e-course below to get you started in the direction you want to go - and find out all about our programs to keep your nose to the grindstone, getting the results you want!

Want to change life with your Growly Dog without force or intimidation? Get our free e-course here and get started!

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Brilliant Family Dog - leading the way for reactive dogs

You’re here because you’re looking for answers for your reactive, anxious, aggressive, hyper - Growly! - dog, am I right?

✅ You are in absolutely THE RIGHT PLACE for authentic help. For force-free help. For help in making lasting change.

❌ You’re in THE WRONG PLACE if you’re looking for a quick fix, if you think that your dog is to blame, if you think a gadget or medical intervention will solve everything, without you having to bother.

I need this in a hurry!

These days we are all in a hurry all the time! We want everything now, or better yet - yesterday. And we don’t want to have to work for it! “Just drop it in my lap, please,” we are taught to expect.

It comes as a genuine shock to some folk that their life will not change by “fixing what’s wrong with the dog”.

That’s why it’s no use handing your problem dog over to a trainer to do the work for you! It’s what’s happening in your home, between you and your dog, that needs fixing. It’s not the dog - it’s both of you!

Want to get the support and learning you need? Get our free e-course here and get started!

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People are forever asking me,  

• “How do I stop my dog doing xyz?”

• “How can I control my dog?”

• “What’s the quickest way to get my dog to …. ?”

• And the perplexing “Why doesn’t my dog know …. ?”

“Errr, because you haven’t taught him?” would be the quick answer to that last one!

But this all presupposes that there’s some recipe to follow, which the questioner just hasn’t found yet.

People come to my Workshops expecting to be told, “Do this, then do that, and your dog will comply.” But they find that I don’t do that!

Instead they are asked searching questions about their relationship with their dog, and discover that changing their life with their dog requires them to change what they’re doing with their dog, AND who they’re being with their dog.

Of course, some say, “Where are the instructions? How can I fix my dog-problems if you don’t give me the answers?” And they leave, looking for someone else to do the work for them.

Those who stay, who tussle with those difficult questions, are the ones who actually transform their lives with their once-difficult dog. Now, I’m not saying their dog is now perfect! Any more than my dogs are perfect, or I’m perfect!

What I’m saying is that these enlightened owners come to a higher level of understanding which means they can enjoy a new life with their dog whether or not their dog changes. (But they usually do change, dramatically.)

Change will come - but in its own time

Elle told me - in fact she told everyone in our private supportive Community of Growlies - that she had reached a whole new level of understanding with her dog.

I never dreamed that we would have been able to come as far as we have. I am thrilled.  

Bella still has some issues, but the difference is that I understand her issues, and I know what to do to help her and to make things manageable.

Elle had the all-too-common experience of trying various trainers, some of whom made the dog worse, and some who had no clue what to do so they just said “Your dog is untrainable. She’ll never change.”

Perhaps this is what’s happened for you?

So along with many others - maybe you - she was “desperate” when she found me.

Now Elle didn’t just ask for a recipe, and POOF! dog transformed. (Oh that it were so easy!)

No.

She read what I wrote, and she listened to what I said. She acted on it. When things didn’t immediately improve, she persisted. She took her dog’s reactions as information rather than evidence of failure. She worked with that information, and … gradually, very gradually … she reached the stage of calm and acceptance that removes friction and enhances - LOVE.

And it’s not only Elle who has enjoyed this transformation! I am thrilled to get emails every single day from people who have quietly followed what I’ve suggested to them and found it works!

Alexia told us,

I never thought it would be possible - but after 18 months of determination - it's paying off. I'm so glad I didn't give up - although several times have felt like it. The learning and structure of the course and this Community has reassured me I'm doing the right thing and kept going - thank you everyone :) particularly Beverley Courtney.

Emma started a huge thread of praise and thanks in our amazing Community with this thought of hers:

I thought how kind it was that people give so much of their time to this group to help people. So I wanted to thank Beverley for starting this Community and for being so responsive to our questions and concerns. And thank you for the effort that goes into it.

Dawn said “I agree!” She told us she’s so happy there’s a place where she can go to talk with other people who know exactly what it's like living with a growly dog. Then Judy added,

Yes me too. I can't thank Beverley Courtney and this group enough. Your support is priceless x

Support is critically important!

So you can see from this that having a safe place where you can talk about your dog problems (and where it affects this relationship, your own problems too) is SO important in getting the change you desire with your dog!

It’s not about finding methods, techniques, tricks, games . . . (though those will be given to you and are useful). It’s about finding out how to change the way you look at things so you can make the change you so fervently desire!

And yes - it takes work.

More importantly, it takes commitment. Flipping all over the internet in the hope of finding the one last game or pill that will transform your dog for ever . . . is futile! It’s destined for failure.

It really is about understanding just what’s going on, and getting the support you need to change it!

Want to know what you can do?

Head over to this page and add yourself to our waiting list. There’s something brewing that anyone with a reactive dog will NOT want to miss! And Waitlist peeps will get first dibs . . .

Go and put your name down right away and drum your fingers for a week or so till all is revealed. [If your dog likes it, drum your fingers up and down his back when he’s relaxing with you - lots of nice squirming from your dog, and laughter from you!]

Want to get the support and learning you need? Get our free e-course here and get started!

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Is it your fault you have a reactive dog?

Believe it or not, many folk think it’s their fault somehow that their dog is as he is. They blame themselves.

I suppose this is one step better than blaming the breeder, the shelter, the dog in the park, the thunderstorm, your family, your neighbour, or of course, your dog!

But how helpful is it to apportion blame at all - to anyone or anything? How will that move you from where you are to where you want to be?

Because blame is looking backwards.

Blame is trying to find a reason for something you don’t like so that you don’t need to feel responsible.

Blame is a way of dodging out of doing the work you need to do to help your anxious, shy, hyper, aggressive - Growly - dog.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been told - as a fact - that someone’s dog became reactive after a particular incident. So naturally, then that incident is the cause, and there’s nothing they can do.

Is your dog throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Masterclass and find how to change things fast!

“A big dog went for him when he was a puppy.”

“A child on a scooter whooshed too close and frightened him.”

“A car crashed into our car.”

All these things are unfortunate - but they’re not terminal! And they may have just been the tipping point, rather than the cause. The time you started to notice your dog’s discomfort rather than the moment it actually started.

Jenny and Jasper

Jenny was utterly convinced that a single moment in time turned her happy-go-lucky one-year-old Jasper into a quivering wreck who was now afraid of everything. “This big black dog ran in and jumped on him and flattened him. He screamed. I screamed. The owner did nothing. I was too afraid to touch the other dog. No, he wasn’t injured. But I feel so guilty about it. I want my friendly puppy back.”

Now, this sort of thing happens to loads of dogs who shake it off and carry on unscathed. The difference here is that Jenny suddenly started paying attention to Jasper’s body language around other dogs, particularly large and/or black ones. 

She picked up on signals she may have missed before. Signals that the big black dog read clearly!

She became overprotective - an understandable response - possibly making Jasper think that the world was a dangerous place and he’d better get in with a bark and a growl before it got him.

Without knowing how to manage these situations, she began - albeit unwittingly - to create them!

I do understand where Jenny was coming from. One thing she was overlooking was that at one year old, Jasper was leaving adolescence and puppyhood behind, and growing in to a more mature lifestage. It’s natural for dogs to stick to their own people. Playing with every dog they see is a juvenile behaviour, and Jasper was . . . growing up!

Also, it’s likely in our culture that Jasper had been neutered somewhere in the previous six months. This can be a huge confidence-sapper, which is one of many reasons why it’s best to leave it till later (if at all).

So the things that came together to spark an apparently new reactivity in Jasper, were actually part of a developmental path that he was already on.

It’s not my fault so it can’t be helped

Blaming the event was holding Jenny back from learning how to help Jasper enjoy life more. She felt that it was a fait accompli - that there was now nothing to be done.

How wrong can a person be?!!

There’s masses you can do.

And those in the know are actually doing these things from as soon as they get their puppy or dog in the first place. Teaching them the world is a good place, that they are safe, that together they can cope.

There are strategies and techniques Jenny was able to start on to make walks fun again. Strategies and techniques we’d love to teach you, so you can make your walks fun too.

Start by looking at all the things you LOVE about your life and your dog. Dismiss any thoughts of past events with a “Thank you, but that’s not important right now.”

Think of where you can move forward with a plan.

No plan? Sign up to our free e-course for understanding your Growly Dog and how to start the change.

Make the first step in your plan . . .

Growly Dog? Get our free email course!

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Finding a trainer for your Growly Dog

Are you looking for a trainer for your growly, reactive, lunging dog? 

Simple!

Just look in the phone book …

NOOOOOOO!!!

What may appear simple to the man or woman in the street is actually quite complicated and fraught with danger!

In any professional group there will be differences of opinion. We all know that. But in the dog training world the differences are critical! They’re between treating your dog kindly at all times, and being positively nasty to her!

So choosing the wrong trainer for your precious dog can have enormous fallout.

Take Dottie in the story I told last week. She was trying to do her best for her little Toby, but came seriously unstuck and ended up doing bad things she would never have dreamt up on her own.

Sadly, this is a common tale. I hear daily from people who were near despair. Only yesterday I worked with a couple who when I first met them were close to  rehoming their dog as she appeared to have so many problems. No chance of her leaving now - they adore their transformed doglet!

Ute had tried three trainers, while her dog gradually deteriorated. She told me, “the first trainer made things worse by using what I consider force against my will.”

Jennifer sang a similar song when she sought help for her two puppies: “I had a trainer/behaviourist to them at 8 months who threw their leads at them because they barked at her then told me they were nervous and could bite if I didn't do something”

This extraordinary behaviour is clearly a popular technique amongst the old school trainers (they call themselves “balanced” for some weird and unbalanced reason) as Valerie had the exact same experience before she found me: “I am so glad to have found a trainer who can understand my feeling that there is no point in throwing things at an already nervous dog.”

And Stella hit the nail on the head when she recalled that her beautiful chocolate poodle was labelled by a vet and a trainer as “’difficult' or 'feisty’. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.” Of course it did! If you keep telling a child he’s naughty, that’s exactly what he’ll be.

Even a young puppy can get the short end of the stick: “we had a 1:1 with a dog trainer which left us feeling much worse” said Satya of her 13-week-old pup. Really! Just a baby.

Money?

Buckets of it go into the pockets of these people who claim to have the dog’s interests at heart. See what Marita said:

“Three animal trainers and hundreds of dollars later I found Beverley. I wish I had found her sooner.”

So it’s not about the money! It’s about the success you have - and most importantly for me - the method you use to get there

As Burt Bacharach has it in “Alfie”,

Are we meant to take more than we give

Or are we meant to be kind?

I believe in love, Alfie …

When you walk let your heart lead the way

 Are you letting your heart lead the way? Or are you letting someone bamboozle you out of your beliefs and integrity, and letting them do awful things to your dog?

A Secret Weapon

Thing is … I have a secret weapon.

Most of my students have discovered this - and that’s why they’ve chosen to follow me and study with me!

Elle got it when she told me, “you wear many different hats....dog trainer, people trainer, educator, counsellor, support/outreach, author, etc. etc. etc…’

And Chris put it even more succinctly!

Brilliant Family Dog? More like Brilliant People Trainer

My secret is out!

You need to find a dog trainer who has compassion for both you and your dog. Operating on the dog as if it’s a faulty machine, and ignoring the relationship between dog and owner is doomed to total failure.

So if you’re looking for help for your growly, reactive, lunging dog - or simply for your wild puppy or your dog who seems to be challenging - keep these thoughts in mind when you hunt.

And you may be surprised to learn that you don’t need a local trainer! If the expertise is with someone the other side of the world, that’s where you should be looking. 

 I have finally found sound advice and a trainer - even if you are half a world away.  Joanne

So keep it simple by just staying with me at Brilliant Family Dog! Check out the possibilities now …